Once we had some folks come into the diner, you can see that they weren’t from around here… trying to get an understanding of them and seeing what these outsiders wanted with such a small town. I proceeded to go and greet them the same ol’ “welcome to Al’s what can we get you in the kitchen?” Who I assumed was the dad uttered “how about a bigger rack…” The Mrs. whispered to the husband and said “Honey! Don’t you think she needs injected lips!” I didn’t even want to hear what the two children might of uttered so I rushed the drink order and gave them more time to look over the menu. As I walked away the boy said “or how about a bubble butt” I turned to look back and they were all staring at me while they rummaged through their bags. As I walked up with their drinks I then just proceeded to try and take their order, the dad grabbed my had with a tight grip I couldn’t move and I immediately was frozen, had no control of my body. All four of them got up from the diner table and surrounded me, one by one they started taking these tools out from their bags. All I could do was move my eyes around and hear them speak, not even able to open my mouth to scream for the cook to come and release me from their super force hold! The dad, face to face with me, starts to unbutton my shirt… unfortunately I wasn’t wearing a bra that day because it was laundry day after work. He pulled out from his bag two big suction cub things connected to a machine filled with a thick cream like substance, he placed them on my breast and then turned on the machine, My eyes slowly looked down at my chest and seeing them flare up , as that was happening I couldn’t see but felt the kids behind me… they then said “Dad, is it our turn?” the dad said “Not yet kids, let your mother go next since you both went first last time” The son screamed and said “fuck off dad” and began touching my right butt cheek, I could not see but it felt circle like and it grabbed onto my skin and before he pushed the button the dad slapped his son in rage! They then continued, a tear ran down my cheek and it brought me back to the attention of the mother and what she was doing. As she wiped my tear away she continued and grabbed my lips with her cold hands slowly began to place all these needle like picks around mouth. Then placed one final one right in the middle of my lips, those needles must of had something infused in them as well because my lips began to rise like yeast in the oven. I heard the daughter utter in the back “mother that’s enough, we don’t want them bigger then the tits now do we,” I can see the needles getting smaller and smaller going more and more into my skin till finally the mother removed them one by one. All I hear next is “our turn” both contraptions connected to my bottom, they pushed their button from a remote and all looked at me from the side and were chanting “bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger, pop!” after that pop! I was unfrozen and fell to the ground! they were all yelling at one another “See I told you to wait! now look what you did!! As I am on the floor still out of it from the fall and all this pain I begin to see that I am surrounded by blood, my own blood! “What have you all done! what is this!” I cried out. None of them saying a word to me but talking to one another as if I was no longer there saying “now we cant take this one, let us move on quickly.” They begin packing their things. As that was taking place I was picking myself up from the floor with all my might, I am standing now, my hands touch my enlarged lips, move down to my enormous chest, slowly making my way to my, I then felt my left cheek further away from my back and my right cheek flat and when I brought my right hand to me it was full of blood! Still in shock and trying to understand what just took place, I hear Al’s diner door open, the cook had hooked a bell on there a while back to hear when folks came in when he took his cigarette breaks. All four of them rushing out, I manage to walk myself to the door, as they all rushed into their car, I read the licence plate “Los Angeles” The cook runs to me and says ” I was out back for 6 minutes! What the hell happened!?” “Conformity” I said.
I allow them to torment me with their lack of communication.
I live for the thrill.
I’ve come to the realization that I live for fear. All that’s ever scared me I try and face. It started out with the small things: stirring up conversations with new people, going to places I’ve never been, trying out everything I come across just because I ask myself every time “why not?” Honestly, what is the worse that can happen. These last couple of years I’ve really been utilizing my time to take on all these new adventures. Adventure has always been one of my favorite words since I can remember. My cousin Steph and I would go on one just about everyday after school when our grandma would “watch us” she took great care of us don’t get me wrong, when we did something too extreme or took things too far she sure wasn’t shy to let us know. We didn’t see the limits between the sky and earth, we knew at a young age that we’d always thrive for new findings, understandings, and excitement for life. More recently these adventures been more about conquering than anything. I’ve only dreamed about cliff jumping, not really believing I’d ever bring myself to doing it… but I did, and we couldn’t have picked a more freezing punch bowl to do it in. Taking the hike up it now and it was only my intention to see how this jump would be and if I would even be able to get to it. See, with these hikes I don’t like to know too much about them going in, I like to have my own experience to them first. After about 6 miles we made it to the top of one of the main jumps at hermit falls. Let me just tell you how fearful of heights I am, I didn’t want to even go to the edge to see how far I’d been jumping off from, I had to sit down and peek over. Sure enough I didn’t have that nervous feeling at the pit of my stomach, just going back and forth with myself as to why is this the only thing holding me up right now and my fear telling me I can’t do something. Right there I knew I couldn’t have it that way, like many past adventures I always sit there and ask myself “why not” sure my mums voice in my back of my mind chimes in and has a list of all the reasons as to why I shouldn’t. But that’s just it, that’s someone else’s fear burdening on me, so I say to myself… I’m going for it. My cousin jumped first, I saw the freeness in her of letting go, didn’t give it a second thought and jumped off 50ft looked around and down the entire time, even when I was in the freezing water. Felt like I landed in needles. We got out of the water as fast as we got in it, my body immediately felt the impact but that wasn’t going to take away my hype and smile. I was beyond! And that moment is what I live for, that and the feeling you get when you’re about to fall. The aftermath wasn’t the prettiest but a day in bed was worth every step we walked, every trip we took, every ache we endured that day. I’m bruised, I’m alive, and I’m here to kill my fear again and again.
Mother Nature at its finest.
Much appreciation needs to be given to the good Lord above.
I would catch myself time after time worrying, once I reached and took care of one hurtle there was another and each one awoken me more and more, to the point where I moved by faith rather than my bonehead self. It took me to a place where I let go of the I can do it all by myself attitude to let me go where God needs and wants me. It really helped me to stop focusing on the “what if” and more so on the purpose itself. Each time we take that leap of faith we grow more, spiraling away from the world but go forward- entering into a blissful life.
All I can say is use all the time you can to regain focus on yourself and the purpose.
Pulled in every direction
Now when I hear, “what would you like to do?”
Leave the question with a question…
“Anything, What do you want to do?”
Can’t decide. Ensuring all are happy.
Not knowing what I’m doing to myself.
Pulled between doing right and wrong.
Investing too much time in my head.
Watering “things” constantly and leaving myself DRY.
Lately- crying inside when people speak. Trying to understand where they got it bad when every word out their mouth is a complaint. Hmm listen and nod?
I thought I was what someone would describe an alien as.
Its well deserved for anyone who’s spent more than three months with the person… for most nowadays it is about less than a month, my theory: therefore getting over that person in the same length of time if not less. Anyhow… sometimes we really don’t know why we part from someone we’ve spent a lot of planned out time with. Needless to say it really shouldn’t matter because humans change and adapt all the time but most will always appreciate the closure for their little heart. When avoiding that part may leave the person with hope or chance of the person changing thier mind, when in fact doest factor in their mind just intentions for their advantage if they don’t want to end the night alone. My eyes are open to all aspects of what could possibly enter the mind of both persons, and still selfishness is the biggest factor as to why this doesn’t work out. But not to worry that is where love comes in and love is the creator of it all.
I formed an opinion by the situation I was given.