“So are we going to pursue this or no?”
Beyond proud of myself for jumping the gun!!
And that’s the only outcome that matters 🫱🏼🫲🏽
Jesus loves my soul.
May love always show up.
All your friendships and relationships came and went while singing the best of songs.
It was a moment in their life or a moment in yours.
Grateful part of me was able to open up about and share, still dreaded knowing. Was what I said or didn’t say the decision that’d have them stay or go?
It’s all for moments.
Moments of which I’ll cherish, forever.
I know what is forever, will provide the forever my heart longs for, the forever of being able to have both. Forever, enteral life with Jesus. That’s when you’ve really understood that love showed up.
Showed up, forever.
Path
Thank you for the calmness.
My soul explodes with gratitude.
Steady way and be grounded in knowing you’re trying hard therefore a way is to be made. Eventually the timing will catch up but hey, still a way being made.
Don’t just let life pass you by.
When you create a moment, savor the goodness, take it all in and be jaw dropping excited about the journey you take.
We were made to love and grow.
Each day that I get to breathe and make do.
acceptance
Accepted of myself, for myself. J, we’ve come a long way, I started to read through some of my earlier posts and man aren’t I always trying to figure it out. I’ve been so drained into the motion of the now and where I ought to be yet I forgot so little about the look how far you’ve come aspect of it all. Really truly knowing yourself and who you are in Jesus. The freeness of not always knowing but leaning into the faith and have the genuine joy that’s raved about but never fully understood until fully experienced. I’ve always been pretty intuitive about myself yet the older I seem to get the more I hone in and realize but believe me I’ll never stop understanding and learning and that’s the beautiful thing all in itself. Sure sometimes I say what I mean and think what I do perhaps not in the right moment but I hope it goes forth in peace.
Night thought.
Feeling reckless
Goals being met but my heart not content, does this life get easier or are we all just rushing towards death?
Let the window open
At a good place.
My inner self is happy, I feel the joy of the lord.
Outside is wild
Comfort within two spaces
Moving ahead w/ each step taken
Taking the long road for this journey
Content and satisfied
Reading into me more and less of you
Figuring and connecting
Striving and directing
In all aspects of my life I am bewildered, some things aline and flow whereas others just seem to plateau or have their days just like any soul
My life feels like it is-it’s own soul and I’m just here to see it through
At times the journey seems controlled but oh (pause) we can’t forget about the endless thoughts, there’s even a thought about it…
I rebuke the draining thoughts of the can’t and won’t happens, and release the will and soon enough and the genuine joy of contentment flows through like the window open on a nice winter night
I’ll see me through
LOST ANGELES.
Once we had some folks come into the diner, you can see that they weren’t from around here… trying to get an understanding of them and seeing what these outsiders wanted with such a small town. I proceeded to go and greet them the same ol’ “welcome to Al’s what can we get you in the kitchen?” Who I assumed was the dad uttered “how about a bigger rack…” The Mrs. whispered to the husband and said “Honey! Don’t you think she needs injected lips!” I didn’t even want to hear what the two children might of uttered so I rushed the drink order and gave them more time to look over the menu. As I walked away the boy said “or how about a bubble butt” I turned to look back and they were all staring at me while they rummaged through their bags. As I walked up with their drinks I then just proceeded to try and take their order, the dad grabbed my hand with a tight grip I couldn’t move and I immediately was frozen, had no control of my body. All four of them got up from the diner table and surrounded me, one by one they started taking these tools out from their bags. All I could do was move my eyes around and hear them speak, not even able to open my mouth to scream for the cook to come and release me from their super force hold! The dad, face to face with me, starts to unbutton my shirt… unfortunately I wasn’t wearing a bra that day because it was laundry day after work. He pulled out from his bag two big suction cub things connected to a machine filled with a thick cream like substance, he placed them on my breast and then turned on the machine, My eyes slowly looked down at my chest and seeing them flare up , as that was happening I couldn’t see but felt the kids behind me… they then said “Dad, is it our turn?” the dad said “Not yet kids, let your mother go next since you both went first last time” The son screamed and said “fuck off dad” and began touching my right butt cheek, I could not see but it felt circle like and it grabbed onto my skin and before he pushed the button the dad slapped his son in rage! They then continued, a tear ran down my cheek and it brought me back to the attention of the mother and what she was doing. As she wiped my tear away she continued and grabbed my lips with her cold hands slowly began to place all these needle like picks around mouth. Then placed one final one right in the middle of my lips, those needles must of had something infused in them as well because my lips began to rise like yeast in the oven. I heard the daughter utter in the back “mother that’s enough, we don’t want them bigger then the tits now do we,” I can see the needles getting smaller and smaller going more and more into my skin till finally the mother removed them one by one. All I hear next is “our turn” both contraptions connected to my bottom, they pushed their button from a remote and all looked at me from the side and were chanting “bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger, pop!” after that pop! I was unfrozen and fell to the ground! they were all yelling at one another “See I told you to wait! now look what you did!! As I am on the floor still out of it from the fall and all this pain I begin to see that I am surrounded by blood, my own blood! “What have you all done! what is this!” I cried out. None of them saying a word to me but talking to one another as if I was no longer there saying “now we cant take this one, let us move on quickly.” They begin packing their things. As that was taking place I was picking myself up from the floor with all my might, I am standing now, my hands touch my enlarged lips, move down to my enormous chest, slowly making my way to my, I then felt my left cheek further away from my back and my right cheek flat and when I brought my right hand to me it was full of blood! Still in shock and trying to understand what just took place, I hear Al’s diner door open, the cook had hooked a bell on there a while back to hear when folks came in when he took his cigarette breaks. All four of them rushing out, I manage to walk myself to the door, as they all rushed into their car, I read the licence plate “Los Angeles” The cook runs to me and says ” I was out back for 6 minutes! What the hell happened!?” “Conformity” I said.
Zewallflower 